I cannot stop.
I DuckDuckGoed myself into a worldwide web of chaos again this morning. Today’s big Q upon awakening: “What does it mean when you dream about a blue pickle?”
Here are some of today’s greatest hits:
Dreaming of pickles means that you have a habit of pursuing things that bring no value to your life.
Search Result #1
You’d think I’d have stopped there.
Pickles represent love triumphing over evil.
Result #4
Blue is a symbol of wisdom.
Result #2
Blue is the color of discontent in oneself.
Result #14
[silent judgement]
Spinning Wheel Icon
dream of blue meaning
Result #(who’s counting at this point?)
– If you are a virgo, you need to sort out an inferiority complex.
– If you are a staff [sic], may be resulting in the total dissolution of the old landscape of your life.
“Dissolution of the old landscape of my life” aka how I got to here:
“what’s my purpose?”
General Theme of My Browsing History
Personality quiz time!
- Myers-Briggs: INTP-T (Last week I was an INFJ and two months ago an ESTP.)
- Enneagram: Type 6
- Clifton Top 5: Intellection. Restorative. Empathy. Connectedness. Individualization.
Now for the cosmetic quizzes …
“am I a summer or an autumn?”
What color are your veins?
Color Analysis Quiz Question 1
Varicose or non?
What is your natural hair color?
Color Analysis Quiz Question 2
What color is closest to beige?
What color are your eyes?
Color Analysis Quiz Question 3
Bloodshot.
Add to Amazon cart:
- eyedrops
- bright red hair dye (think Ginger Spice)
- 3 pairs of novelty socks highlighting the mysteries of the universe, my general apathy, and farts
Books from yesterday’s wifi gorge-fest:
- The Essential Habits of 6-Figure Bloggers by Sally Miller
- Get Good with Money by Tiffany Aliche
- Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life by Nir Eyal
[time elapsing]
the FitBit on my wrist
“should i buy the socks?” I ask the magic 8 ball.
My reply is no.
Shake 1
Best out of three?
Cannot predict right now.
Touché.
Most likely.
Shake 3
I knew it. And … the red hair?
Don’t count on it.
Shake 17
I’m about to click Proceed to Checkout, when my FitBit buzzes.
11:30
A.M., thank Bezos. Time to get out of bed. How long have I been here? What time did I wake up?
5:23 A.M.
FitBit App
My sleep patterns are all effed up. Searching … “best sleep routines” … “polyphasic sleep” … “sleep hygiene” … “does melatonin actually work?”
Shit.
I’m still in bed.
*slams phone down on nightstand*
I’m out.
*bladder screams for the restroom*
Mid-pee, I hear Butters from South Park wailing: “Oh, hamburgers! Oh, hamburgers!”—my mealtime phone alert loud enough to wake the dead.
I grab my phone to silence it, then ask Safari for “quick easy breakfast recipes” … “cook without a recipe” … “pickle recipes” … “do blue pickles exist?” …
11:30
P.M., and I’m still here.