Dysmorphia: It’s a Body of Work

I can’t get into a swimsuit because my legs are hairy. I won’t leave the house because I don’t have the right outfit to hide my pit stains—I’ll wear a sweater when it’s 95 degrees outside. I wish I still smoked because being thin is better than being healthy.

I wonder if I wasn’t so obsessed with my appearance in my tweens and teens if I’d be a much healthier, happier, and more intelligent person today.

And if I wasn’t so obsessed with the “feminine ideal” now, I’d probably be a lot less fear-driven, stressed out, and sweaty.

I’ve never really gotten to the heart of this. Maybe it’s because I was a chubby kid and a roly-poly baby. Maybe it’s because I was raised on ’90s TV and stolen Cosmopolitans. Maybe it’s because Janeane Garofalo had to lose 30 pounds to be the fat one in The Truth About Cats and Dogs.

How can I show more gratitude for my working appendages, my healing heart and lungs, my clothes? Why is it so hard to accept that I have a right to feel comfortable in my body? What has your body done for you lately?

I want to create more art to work through these feelings. In the meantime, listening to these amazing podcast episodes (pod’sodes?) by The Lazy Genius and the accompanying resources she provides are helping me on my journey to body appreciation:

• Let’s Talk About Your Body, Part 1
• Let’s Talk About Your Body, Part 2